I’m taking the “Back In Control” Parenting Class for parents who are trying to get back in control of their teens. The other day in parenting class, the teacher paired one parent with another to role-play parent-child conversations on tough subjects. When my turn came, I played the part of a father, which I am in real life, whose daughter asks him for permission to date a much older boy. And another parent, who is a mom in real life, played the part of my teenage daughter. While I found this exercise to be useful, I had no idea just how useful I would find it until sometime later.
The next day, I was talking on the phone to my 15-year-old daughter and suddenly, without any warning, she said, “I want to start dating. The boy I’m interested is 18-years-old”. I was shocked! Talk about a coincidence! I couldn’t believe my real daughter was bringing up the same subject my pretend daughter had brought up the day before! It was as if the powers that be (fate) knew what was coming and had intervened to prepare me for this very conversation! There was no way I was going to allow my daughter to date an 18-year-old boy! My temper instantly flared up at her words, but I forced myself to calm down. Thanks to having just had this conversation in class, I knew that getting angry, screaming “Over My Dead Body!” and refusing to listen to anything else my daughter had to say, would not be very conducive to good, parent-child communication. And I didn’t want that so I kept my cool and tried to handle it just like in class.
And I did. I told her, “You are only 15-years-old and that is too young to date an 18-year-old boy.” She started to cry but I did not give in. I explained to her why I thought he was too old for her. She didn’t like the reasons I gave and continued to cry. I told her that I loved her; only wanted the best for her; and she should think about dating boys her own age when she is finally able to date. Eventually, she listened and accepted what I had to say.
Thanks to the “Back In Control” Class, a conversation I had with my daughter that would have normally been contentious wasn’t, because I had the opportunity learn how to handle it without getting angry and saying something I shouldn’t. It was amazing that I actually had the same conversation with my daughter that I had in class! I think taking the “Back In Control” Class has really paid off. I think the new skills I’ve learned can only continue to improve my relationship with my daughter in the new year and in following years!
Written by a Divorced Dad in the “Back In Control” Parenting Enrichment Course
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